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No Escape (1994)
IMDB rating: 5.60
Plot: The year is 2022, prison systems from all over the world are now run by private corporations and have become business. After being sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of his commanding officer who ordered him to wipe out innocent people. Convicted soldier John Robbins is dumped on the prison island Absolom (after he refused to execute his cell-mate and assaulted the Warden). On Absolom, convicts are put there to either survive or die. Robbins finds the prison island is inhabited by two camps, The Outsiders, tribes of savage prisoners led by the evil Walter Merrick and The Insiders, a community of prisoners living in a fortified village “The Compound” led by The Father. Robbins finds escape from Absolom is impossible, surveillance satellites monitor Absolom and gunships prevent all convicts from escaping from the prison island and The Warden has secretly put a spy on Absolom. Caught up in a feud between the two camps, Robbins is determined to escape from the prison island and finds it is his ultimate challenge as nobody has ever escaped and he agrees to help The Insiders defend “The Compound” from The Outsiders.
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Directors: Campbell Martin
Actors: Liotta Ray,Henriksen Lance,Wilson Stuart,Dillon Kevin,O’Connor Kevin J.,Henderson Don,McNeice Ian,Shepherd Jack,Lerner Michael,Hudson Ernie,Kiefel Russell,Logan Brian M.,Chan Cheuk-Fai,Colombani Machs,Argue David,Action,Drama,Sci-Fi,
Please critique or rate this poem?
(I know this one’s not for everyone, but I was inspired when I saw a Fra Angelico piece)
"Requiem"
His arms stretched as if to gather eternity
even as his feet were affixed to that moment
His hair hung low with the weight of his burden
even as his head drooped with dispair
A sigh escaped his parted lips.
It seems he thought he was forsaken again
his withered clothes lay at his feet
along with the cares of a world lamenting.
And as I beheld the multitude of thorns
driven deep, and finding their mark
that would cause streams of blood from each pore
for every tear he tried to withhold.
But I noticed, though his face was sombre
and almost eloquent in anguish
The one detail I could not surpass
was the expression in his eyes
Open, wide, and full; they seemed to embrace
They were dark, but not full of emptiness,
sorrowful, but not in finality
The beauty I beheld, radiated
and I saw in the depths of it, the depths of his love.
Dies ir?, dies illa; In paradisum deducant te Angeli
Requiem aeternam Domine; In paradisum deducant te Angeli
I had to stop half way through, to wipe this audible diarrhea from my ears and eyes. Their is an elephant at the local zoo who paints with water colors. You should contact him for some artistic pointers for your writing. Good day to you ma’am.
ManBearPig | Dec 14, 2009
I couldnt be bothered to read past the 3rd word, but then I dont like poetry.
D | Dec 14, 2009
Where I come from poetry is supposed to have a rhyme or rhythm to it. Yours simply doesn’t.
Master T | Dec 14, 2009
Beautiful description of Christ’s death. Wow. I literally just have to stop for a minute there. I don’t know the Latin (?) or what it means, but I found it very moving. I wonder, are you depicting a particular persons view, or is this just another face in the crowd?
Anyways, there were a few things I noticed. First: "His hair hung low with the weight of his burden/even as his head drooped with dispair." Despair is spelling wrong, just fyi. Also If his hair hangs low and his head drops, which are similar actions, I’m not sure the word even makes sense there. Besides, you just used that word in the previous line. Maybe change it to while, or something like that.
Second: Just a question, can clothes be withered? Maybe sullied or desecrated. To me withered is dry and knotted. An old withered tree, or my grandmother’s withered hands. The clothes would be more of a dirty, bloody, torn pile. I don’t know what the right word is, but I don’t think it’s withered.
Also, you abruptly change into passive voice for one line. "was the expression in his eyes." It felt like I took an abrupt U-turn. The rest of the poem is in active voice. Fix it.
I think you need a period at the end of "Open, wide, and full; they seemed to embrace" and maybe a colon or semicolon after "was the expression in his eyes"
Take a general look at your punctuation, figure out how you want to poem to be read.
I understand what this means: "And as I beheld the multitude of thorns/driven deep, and finding their mark/that would cause streams of blood from each pore/for every tear he tried to withhold."
But, it’s not particularly clear. I think you have some agreement issues. Write that whole mess out as a sentence, and reword it so that you don’t have any misplaced modifiers.
Again, beautiful. But, its a work in progress. Keep at it.
TV | Dec 14, 2009
it needs alot of work…on a scale of 1-10 I give it a 3 for trying
Snow The Man | Dec 14, 2009
thats deep i like it
LA N1gga | Dec 14, 2009
Dan Snow